Always Watching, Always Staring – A Victim’s Story: Child Abuse Awareness – Part 3

(Part 3 of 3) – Warning: Graphic Content

April is Child Abuse Awareness Month.

“I am more than just a photo or a sexual object in a video. I am a toddler. I am a child. I am a teenager with no name. My body does not belong to you, though you pay for my shame. My nakedness, my private parts, my mouth, my hands, my chest they do not belong to you or to the thousands who have paid to view them. I am a young child forced against my will to do the most unthinkable acts for your pleasure. Always watching, always staring, always using my body for your sick sexual gratification. I am considered famous in your dark world.

I am not known for my beauty. I am not known by my name. It is my childhood innocence you pay for. I belong in a world where only darkness lives, and disgusting men belong. I had the body of a toddler, then a child and a teenager. I have no clothes, no privacy or protection. I am a nothing but a piece of human flesh. A sexual object is all that I am.

Photos are viewed by thousands who pay. Profit was made but the price-tag was high. I was betrayed without knowledge, ashamed and alone. I did not get a choice and I did not understand. I am not nurtured because violence is not love. I am an innocent young body on display for all that pay to see. Photos of hands bound or tied to a bed. Legs strapped down, or forcefully held. Wide angled lens, close-ups and stills. Live action shots of cruelty and pain. The camera does not care about my screams. The man behind the camera does not feel when I cry.

The blood. The smells. The vomit; it’s all real. Posing for the camera in ways that are not normal. There are no happy smiles, or treasured memories shared. I am slapped, I am hit, I am violated, and I am raped. Forced to do what they want, what they desire to see. The violence and the pain for their sexual pleasure. Always watching, always staring. Over and over and over again.

I carry the shame, knowing I am just an image for all the world to see. A dark world where only evil and hate live. A world that creates thousands and thousands of innocent victims that never escape. I was only two when my first photo was shared. A tiny little child with ruffled over-naps. Half-naked, a small snippet to spark the viewers interest. An unknown introduction sent out to a world now published all over the web. I could not know what that photo meant to so many. The man behind the camera did. He laughed with sexual pleasure and his painful greed.

The thrill of a hidden crime equally shared with the thrill of sexual gratification and control.

I am more than just a photo or a sexual object in a video. I am a toddler. I am a child. I am a teenager with no name. Always watching, always staring. Over and over and over again.”

– Anonymous


This is part 3 of a 3 part series on this topic. Please join us if you would like to receive important news & updates from us.

Read Part 1 here.

Read Part 2 here.


Please consider donating to SST or SSGT to support the work we are doing to raise awareness and advocate for victims of serious crime in New Zealand.

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