The Sexual Abuse of Innocent Boys: A Brave Victims Voice

Part 2 – Child Sexual Abuse.

April is Child Abuse Awareness Month.

In New Zealand 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused by the time they turn 18. A frightening statistic that we know would likely be higher if male victims of sexual abuse were less afraid to disclose their abuse. There are many unfair myths regarding male sex abuse victims. Myths that stop many innocent victims from speaking out. Fear, confusion, shame, self-blame, denial, physical reactions and guilt are just some of the reasons that prevent male victims reaching out.

Sexual abuse includes acts or behaviours where an adult uses a child for the abusers sexual arousal. This can include the following:

  • Touching a child’s genitals
  • Rubbing the abuser’s genitals against a child’s skin or clothing
  • Putting objects into a child’s anus
  • Tongue kissing
  • Oral sex
  • Intercourse

Sexual abuse can also happen without physical contact, such as:

  • Exposing one’s own genitals
  • Having a child pose for pornography
  • Having a child look at pornography
  • Masturbating in front of a child

The majority of sexual abuse that young boys experience is perpetrated by a family member, or a trusted adult. Males victims are most at risk from sexual abuse when they are young but adult males can also be victims of sexual violence.

In New Zealand 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused by the time they turn 18.

A Brave Young Victims Voice

“My offender was a well-known respected member of the community. He was a family friend. Someone we all looked up to. What people didn’t know is that when I was going to his house in the weekends, he was sexually abusing me.

I can only remember from five years upwards. It started off where I’d be in the bathroom and stuff where he would be saying ‘right this is how you need to clean your willy’ so he’d get the sponge and clean my willy.

He did that for a bit and normalised it and was like ‘I need to show you these things and how to look after yourself’. That’s when the sexual abuse started, making like everything seemed ok. I have now been told that’s when the grooming started.

So, he would clean me and stuff, then he’d show me on himself ‘this is what you do’. Then he started coming into the bathroom without his pants on and he’d be pulling his willy back and like sort of cleaning himself then it sort of evolved from him masturbating me even though I was little, to where he would have me in the bath and he’d be masturbating over me in the bath, I thought this was normal. I never said anything to anybody.

He made everything seem like what he was doing to me happened to every boy. This was what everybody did. I didn’t know. He never said I’m going to kill you or anything like that.

Because he had a lot of money, what he would do is he would spoil me with gifts so I always had the latest of everything, giving me money so in a sense, buying my silence. I didn’t know this was not normal either. I didn’t want or need for anything materially.

I did not want what he was doing to me. I didn’t know that an adult who was trusted, who was admired, who was well known, should be hurting me in this way.”

No names were used to protect the victim.

Taken from the New Zealand Police Website.
Any form of the abuse of a child is a serious matter. If you suspect a child is being abused it is important that you notify your local Police or Oranga Tamariki.

The roles and responsibility of Police and Oranga Tamariki are governed by a shared Child Protection Protocol and Memorandum of Understanding.

Child Abuse is dealt with by specialist Police Officers who work alongside Oranga Tamariki to investigate concerns of abuse. Early intervention by child protection services reduces harm to victims before the abuse has the opportunity to escalate.

Please if you have any concerns about child abuse please notify the Police as soon as possible so that an assessment of the child’s safety can be made.

– Karrin Coates
Waikato Victim Advisor of SSGT


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